Self Esteem: Not just for skinny bitches
Feb. 18th, 2008 09:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nozenfordaddyAt some point I had to accept that I was never going to be one of those pale, waifish women that saturate popular culture. No matter how cute the belly chain, the logo mini tee or the hip hugger shorts I was forever banned from joining in the fashion fad.
I am actually okay with this, or I am most days. Even though people never seem to believe me when I say that.
Dainty I most certainly am not.
I could walk, run, bike, crawl 500 miles and I would STILL wear a dress roughly the right size for a small elephant in the eyes of society. I am officially a 'Big Girl'.
I made the mistake of watching the end of an ANTM marathon yesterday evening and realized as the hours wore on that I felt more and more like a short, frumpy cow. Moreover one who had over eaten her calories. I hadn't, or if I did it was minor, and only because one needs a stiff drink to watch ANTM, but watching these women compete had sapped any trace of self esteem I had when I woke up.
I had to take a prozac and go to bed early.
I like to think I'm well adjusted. I'm over weight I know it and *gasp* I'm not destroyed by it. It isn't low self esteem that makes me believe it. It's realism. I've lost 34 pounds, about one third of the way to where I want to be by the time I turn thirty. I put it on my list: Lose 100 pounds.
It's seems huge and unattainable, especially when I'm watching size zero girls complain about their figures. But the first step to attaining a goal is knowing you can do it and not being upset if you can't. Self esteem folks, not just for the skinny bitches anymore. We need to stop telling ourselves that our worth is based on how we look and start looking how we feel.
We won't, not as a society, we're far to image obsessed for that sort of change to come around short of nuclear annihilation wiping out half the population and us big girls becoming premium breeding stock. But most days (like when I didn't spend hours watching ANTM) I don't care.
Knowing my limitations and accepting myself has earned me the contempt of others who took it as an excuse for not striving for the unattainable ideal. I have been called a cynic, lazy and a variety of other names by people who can't understand the liberation of coming to terms with yourself.
To those people I say: "Bite me."
Once upon a time I was called a 'heifer' by another woman. A stranger.
To her I say: "I can lose weight. But you're fugly and that's permanent."
Actually that's exactly what I said.
I am actually okay with this, or I am most days. Even though people never seem to believe me when I say that.
Dainty I most certainly am not.
I could walk, run, bike, crawl 500 miles and I would STILL wear a dress roughly the right size for a small elephant in the eyes of society. I am officially a 'Big Girl'.
I made the mistake of watching the end of an ANTM marathon yesterday evening and realized as the hours wore on that I felt more and more like a short, frumpy cow. Moreover one who had over eaten her calories. I hadn't, or if I did it was minor, and only because one needs a stiff drink to watch ANTM, but watching these women compete had sapped any trace of self esteem I had when I woke up.
I had to take a prozac and go to bed early.
I like to think I'm well adjusted. I'm over weight I know it and *gasp* I'm not destroyed by it. It isn't low self esteem that makes me believe it. It's realism. I've lost 34 pounds, about one third of the way to where I want to be by the time I turn thirty. I put it on my list: Lose 100 pounds.
It's seems huge and unattainable, especially when I'm watching size zero girls complain about their figures. But the first step to attaining a goal is knowing you can do it and not being upset if you can't. Self esteem folks, not just for the skinny bitches anymore. We need to stop telling ourselves that our worth is based on how we look and start looking how we feel.
We won't, not as a society, we're far to image obsessed for that sort of change to come around short of nuclear annihilation wiping out half the population and us big girls becoming premium breeding stock. But most days (like when I didn't spend hours watching ANTM) I don't care.
Knowing my limitations and accepting myself has earned me the contempt of others who took it as an excuse for not striving for the unattainable ideal. I have been called a cynic, lazy and a variety of other names by people who can't understand the liberation of coming to terms with yourself.
To those people I say: "Bite me."
Once upon a time I was called a 'heifer' by another woman. A stranger.
To her I say: "I can lose weight. But you're fugly and that's permanent."
Actually that's exactly what I said.
